New Baby, New Year
It's been a bit since I posted but for good reason. On October 12th I was cleaning the day care at the end of the day when my water unexptectedly broke. I was six weeks from my due date, but I knew that meant I would be delivering a baby within the next day or two. I was alone at the time, so I called Ben and told him that I needed a ride to the hospital so we can meet baby Owen. Ben thought I was kidding, so I calmly reassured him that I was being very serious and that I needed a change of clothes since I was soaked. Yucky. Ben took me to Schneck and Dr. Yarger examined me quickly, left the room to consult with the other doctors, then came back within just a few minutes and announced that I would be sent to St. Vincent to deliver - by helicopter! What?!? I just nervously laughed and said it sounded a bit dramatic! They told me that since my contractions were so close together they didn't think the transport ambulance could make it to Seymour and back before the arrival of Owen. Ben headed home to grab clothes and items for the hospital, and I was whisked away by air.
By the way, a medical helicopter ride is not fun. You are strapped too tightly to move your head and look around or out the window, and having contractions with a catheter that I believe was inserted incorrectly was the worst part of the entire process - I'm serious. I begged every nurse I came in contact with the remove the catheter, but they didn't want to let me stand up, so it stayed. It burned very badly and I still felt like I needed to use the restroom. All the nurses informed me that I simply could not "go" even though I felt like it, but I later proved to Ben that I still could when I used a bed pan not once, not twice, but three times and filled it. I know that's gross, but it's true, and as I said before it was the worst part of my deliver, so I think I'm partially traumatized by that experience! :) Anyway, five hours after it was installed, about 60 painful contractions later, I finally convinced a doctor to remove it. Ahhhhhhhhh - immediate relief. I'm not kidding. My contractions went from a pain level of 6-7 to 3-4 immediately, the burning was gone, and I was finally able to completely empty my bladder back to a comfortable level.
Okay, back to the delivery story:
I arrived at St. Vincent around 8pm, I think, and Ben came walking in about thirty minutes behind. I had been given three doses of magnesium to slow my labor. The helicopter nurses were afraid I would deliver on the way to the hospital, so I received a mega dose! The magnesium slowed my labor from contractions every couple minutes to every 7-8 minutes. Ben called his brother Josh during this time, and he was able to visit too! It was fun to have Ben and Josh there as comedic relief. Josh was proud of me for not being bossy, loud, or having an epidural yet. (He's an anesthesiologist, so I guess he's seen the worst of the worst when dealing with pregnant women!) As the night progressed, my contractions slowed, it seemed time slowed, and before we knew it it was 6am and I was still waiting 5 minutes or so between contractions. They were painful, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle, so I started to think maybe I could completely go without an epidural.
At this point in the story I hadn't eaten since lunch the day before, and with my extremely high metabolism I was starving. Instead of begging for a catheter to be removed, I started to ask everyone for food. The nurses kindly told me no, but one very sweet nurse brought me not one, but TWO popsicles. Yes! It made me so happy. As the sun rose my contractions started to get closer together and more painful and before we knew it my contractions were off the charts and I was starting to doubt my "no epidural" decision!
The nurses were planning to move me to an operating room in case Owen needed additional assistance at birth, but we didn't have time for the move. I had been just 7cm dilated plus I was still getting 3-4 minutes between contractions, so the nurses thought we had time and were out of the room when all of a sudden I felt like I needed to push with some intensely strong contractions. I looked at Ben and said, "You better get someone in here. I can't hold him in!" Ben called the nurses and it was "game on"! There is no other way to explain it other than I felt so badly like I needed to push, but I didn't want to because it hurt so incredibly bad. The baby was coming and there was still no one in the room! My nurses walked in, looked at me and Ben, and said, "Whoa! We better get the doctors in here NOW!"
What I remember next is closing my eyes, grabbing on the railing, turning to my side, then looking at my nurse and I said, "I can't do this. It hurts and burns too much." My nurse grabbed my face, got three inches from me and said, "You have handled this entire night so well. You can do this. Now PUSH!" I let out what felt like a very loud grunt, pushed twice, and then I let out a groan as the baby came out. It was SUCH relief. Moreso that I've ever felt in my life. I then looked around the room for the first time and noticed that there were three doctors and five nurses all watching the entire delivery! Ahh! How embarrassing! I started profusely apologizing for being "loud", then everyone laughed at me and told me that I was quiet and that I was quieter than women who have epidurals. That made me feel better, but I still felt stupid for having made any noise during the delivery. I'm naturally a very quiet person when it comes to dealing with pain in front of strangers. I felt horrible for making any grunts, but there was no controlling it!
As soon as Owen arrived, the doctors whisked him to a baby monitoring station and administered a few minutes of oxygen. About 10 minutes later the nurse walked over and said, "I bet you want to see this handsome guy, don't you?" I only got to kiss him, then they whisked him away again to the NICU. I didn't get to hold him again for six hours. My heart was breaking, but they did wheel me to the NICU a couple hours after delivery so I could see him again.
Owen ended up staying in the NICU for a total of 18 lengthy and heart-wrenching days. It was the most draining experience I've ever been through. I never knew what true heartbreak felt like until I had to say good-bye to Conner every weekend. He and Ben would come up and stay at the hotel that St. Vincent so graciously put me in, but then they would go home during the week while Ben worked. This went on for three weekends, and Conner would cry and tell me to come home, too.
During those eighteen days I spent three nights in the hospital, six nights in my van, and nine nights in the hotel provided by St. Vincent. I couldn't leave the hospital because I was trying to nurse Owen, and I was told he probably wouldn't take to it if I wasn't there for him. I had no plans to ever leave him, and it made me sad that at night I was the only mom who came in. All the other babies were left "alone" during that time. Many of them needed to be left alone; they were too young and/or too weak to be held, but there were plenty of babies that were big enough to have their mommies there, and yet they weren't. Here is a breakdown of every day in the NICU. It felt like Groundhog Day.
2am - Feed, Hold, Pump Milk
5am - Feed, Hold Owen, Pump Milk
7am - Shower in Family Lounge at hospital
8am - Feed, Hold Owen, Pump Milk
11am - Feed, Pump Milk, Eat Lunch
2pm - Feed, Hold Owen, Pump Milk
5pm - Feed, Pump Milk, Eat Dinner
8pm - Feed, Hold Owen, Pump Milk
11pm - Feed, Hold Owen, Pump Milk
The process of feeding Owen involved me first trying to nurse, then using a bottle to see if he would take more, then putting pumped milk in his NG tube. Once that process was complete, then I would hold him for 20-30 minutes before laying him down and pumping to remove milk since Owen was only breastfeeding about 1-2 minutes each session. This entire process took about 1.5 hours, so you can see why I was drained! I had hardly any sleep; however, many nights I skipped the 2am feeding so I could get at least a four hour stretch of sleep, and that kept me going.
The days and nights in the NICU was easily the loneliest time in my life. I'm not stating this in a critical or "have pity on me" way, but I did not have a single friend visit the hospital. Only my family and pastor came. My mom and dad made trips whenever they could, both my sisters visited, and then Ben came on the weekends. My pastor and his wife made three trips! I still cannot believe the sincerity of Steve Greene. He and Laurie are very special. Actually, my entire family is very caring and special. Mike and Suzanne drove six hours to Indiana to visit, and my sister Cara took us out for dinner a couple times, met us at the zoo on the weekend, and she and Ryan even set up my iPhone for me! That was a blessing and huge relief! My family helped me so much during this time. Ben's dad visited a couple times, and Ben's boss even gave Ben some money to help with gas. That was very kind of them. I received many visits from my family and pastor, but when you stretch those visits between eighteen days, there is a lot of downtime - and lonely time. So, to keep myself positive during that time I listened nonstop to KLove on the radio. I broke down and cried several times in my van - it was set up like a camper - and I went to Walmart a lot and just walked around and bought things for Conner to spoil him on the weekends.
Speaking of weekends, here is a list of things we did with Conner:
Weekend 1 - Nothing - I was still in the hospital and recovering.
Weekend 2 - We took Conner to the zoo. He dressed like the Cookie Monster! We went with Cara and Ryan, then ate at Culver's afterwards. We took Conner to the Children's Museum the next day. He loved the projector frog that moved on the floor best.
Weekend 3 - We took Conner to Carribbean Cove - an indoor water park. I was still unable to swim, so I took lots of pictures instead. The next day, Sunday, we were able to go home!
The day we went home was wonderful. It was one day earlier than expected, so Conner and Ben were able to be with me! We loaded up the van with Owen, my supplies from three weeks, and all of my frozed/pumped breastmilk. Yep, there's over 800 ounces sitting in our deep freezer! The nurses told me I could feed twins, but I think there was so much because I was so deligent in staying on schedule and not skipping sessions. Plus, I was getting the stimulation from Owen followed by a double pump, so all signals were telling my body to produce lots-o-milk!
Owen's NICU stay was lengthy, but yet again, we were incredibly blessed that it was not more than it was. My sister had a baby at just 26 weeks, and her stay was months... not days. We were blessed. There were lots of babies at St. V like that, and I prayed for them several times when I was visiting Owen, and I still think of them in the present day. Owen had severe jaundice that really set him back in the NICU, but other than that we were basically waiting on his brain to develop enough to tell him to eat properly. We couldn't go home until he gained weight on his own without a feeding tube.
To end this story I want to comment on the wonderful nurses at St. Vincent. When I was lonely, happy, crying, laughing, giddy with good news, or saddened with bad - they all knew what to say and when. Especially Emily Knotts. I couldn't ask for a better nurse and now friend than her during our stay. She was so special to me that I had necklace made for her in appreciation of her kindness. She was Owen's primary nurse and she took extra special care of him - lots of snuggles and prayers. :)
We have so many people to thank - for prayers, help, and kind words. Owen is home and happy and healthy and that's all I could ask for. Conner has his "momma" home and our life is back to normal, thankfully as a family of four. :)
Thank you, Lord, for your goodness. Thank you for my family and friends. And thank you, Lord, for giving me Owen and Conner. I love being a mommy and feel so blessed.
By the way, a medical helicopter ride is not fun. You are strapped too tightly to move your head and look around or out the window, and having contractions with a catheter that I believe was inserted incorrectly was the worst part of the entire process - I'm serious. I begged every nurse I came in contact with the remove the catheter, but they didn't want to let me stand up, so it stayed. It burned very badly and I still felt like I needed to use the restroom. All the nurses informed me that I simply could not "go" even though I felt like it, but I later proved to Ben that I still could when I used a bed pan not once, not twice, but three times and filled it. I know that's gross, but it's true, and as I said before it was the worst part of my deliver, so I think I'm partially traumatized by that experience! :) Anyway, five hours after it was installed, about 60 painful contractions later, I finally convinced a doctor to remove it. Ahhhhhhhhh - immediate relief. I'm not kidding. My contractions went from a pain level of 6-7 to 3-4 immediately, the burning was gone, and I was finally able to completely empty my bladder back to a comfortable level.
Okay, back to the delivery story:
I arrived at St. Vincent around 8pm, I think, and Ben came walking in about thirty minutes behind. I had been given three doses of magnesium to slow my labor. The helicopter nurses were afraid I would deliver on the way to the hospital, so I received a mega dose! The magnesium slowed my labor from contractions every couple minutes to every 7-8 minutes. Ben called his brother Josh during this time, and he was able to visit too! It was fun to have Ben and Josh there as comedic relief. Josh was proud of me for not being bossy, loud, or having an epidural yet. (He's an anesthesiologist, so I guess he's seen the worst of the worst when dealing with pregnant women!) As the night progressed, my contractions slowed, it seemed time slowed, and before we knew it it was 6am and I was still waiting 5 minutes or so between contractions. They were painful, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle, so I started to think maybe I could completely go without an epidural.
At this point in the story I hadn't eaten since lunch the day before, and with my extremely high metabolism I was starving. Instead of begging for a catheter to be removed, I started to ask everyone for food. The nurses kindly told me no, but one very sweet nurse brought me not one, but TWO popsicles. Yes! It made me so happy. As the sun rose my contractions started to get closer together and more painful and before we knew it my contractions were off the charts and I was starting to doubt my "no epidural" decision!
The nurses were planning to move me to an operating room in case Owen needed additional assistance at birth, but we didn't have time for the move. I had been just 7cm dilated plus I was still getting 3-4 minutes between contractions, so the nurses thought we had time and were out of the room when all of a sudden I felt like I needed to push with some intensely strong contractions. I looked at Ben and said, "You better get someone in here. I can't hold him in!" Ben called the nurses and it was "game on"! There is no other way to explain it other than I felt so badly like I needed to push, but I didn't want to because it hurt so incredibly bad. The baby was coming and there was still no one in the room! My nurses walked in, looked at me and Ben, and said, "Whoa! We better get the doctors in here NOW!"
What I remember next is closing my eyes, grabbing on the railing, turning to my side, then looking at my nurse and I said, "I can't do this. It hurts and burns too much." My nurse grabbed my face, got three inches from me and said, "You have handled this entire night so well. You can do this. Now PUSH!" I let out what felt like a very loud grunt, pushed twice, and then I let out a groan as the baby came out. It was SUCH relief. Moreso that I've ever felt in my life. I then looked around the room for the first time and noticed that there were three doctors and five nurses all watching the entire delivery! Ahh! How embarrassing! I started profusely apologizing for being "loud", then everyone laughed at me and told me that I was quiet and that I was quieter than women who have epidurals. That made me feel better, but I still felt stupid for having made any noise during the delivery. I'm naturally a very quiet person when it comes to dealing with pain in front of strangers. I felt horrible for making any grunts, but there was no controlling it!
As soon as Owen arrived, the doctors whisked him to a baby monitoring station and administered a few minutes of oxygen. About 10 minutes later the nurse walked over and said, "I bet you want to see this handsome guy, don't you?" I only got to kiss him, then they whisked him away again to the NICU. I didn't get to hold him again for six hours. My heart was breaking, but they did wheel me to the NICU a couple hours after delivery so I could see him again.
Owen ended up staying in the NICU for a total of 18 lengthy and heart-wrenching days. It was the most draining experience I've ever been through. I never knew what true heartbreak felt like until I had to say good-bye to Conner every weekend. He and Ben would come up and stay at the hotel that St. Vincent so graciously put me in, but then they would go home during the week while Ben worked. This went on for three weekends, and Conner would cry and tell me to come home, too.
During those eighteen days I spent three nights in the hospital, six nights in my van, and nine nights in the hotel provided by St. Vincent. I couldn't leave the hospital because I was trying to nurse Owen, and I was told he probably wouldn't take to it if I wasn't there for him. I had no plans to ever leave him, and it made me sad that at night I was the only mom who came in. All the other babies were left "alone" during that time. Many of them needed to be left alone; they were too young and/or too weak to be held, but there were plenty of babies that were big enough to have their mommies there, and yet they weren't. Here is a breakdown of every day in the NICU. It felt like Groundhog Day.
2am - Feed, Hold, Pump Milk
5am - Feed, Hold Owen, Pump Milk
7am - Shower in Family Lounge at hospital
8am - Feed, Hold Owen, Pump Milk
11am - Feed, Pump Milk, Eat Lunch
2pm - Feed, Hold Owen, Pump Milk
5pm - Feed, Pump Milk, Eat Dinner
8pm - Feed, Hold Owen, Pump Milk
11pm - Feed, Hold Owen, Pump Milk
The process of feeding Owen involved me first trying to nurse, then using a bottle to see if he would take more, then putting pumped milk in his NG tube. Once that process was complete, then I would hold him for 20-30 minutes before laying him down and pumping to remove milk since Owen was only breastfeeding about 1-2 minutes each session. This entire process took about 1.5 hours, so you can see why I was drained! I had hardly any sleep; however, many nights I skipped the 2am feeding so I could get at least a four hour stretch of sleep, and that kept me going.
The days and nights in the NICU was easily the loneliest time in my life. I'm not stating this in a critical or "have pity on me" way, but I did not have a single friend visit the hospital. Only my family and pastor came. My mom and dad made trips whenever they could, both my sisters visited, and then Ben came on the weekends. My pastor and his wife made three trips! I still cannot believe the sincerity of Steve Greene. He and Laurie are very special. Actually, my entire family is very caring and special. Mike and Suzanne drove six hours to Indiana to visit, and my sister Cara took us out for dinner a couple times, met us at the zoo on the weekend, and she and Ryan even set up my iPhone for me! That was a blessing and huge relief! My family helped me so much during this time. Ben's dad visited a couple times, and Ben's boss even gave Ben some money to help with gas. That was very kind of them. I received many visits from my family and pastor, but when you stretch those visits between eighteen days, there is a lot of downtime - and lonely time. So, to keep myself positive during that time I listened nonstop to KLove on the radio. I broke down and cried several times in my van - it was set up like a camper - and I went to Walmart a lot and just walked around and bought things for Conner to spoil him on the weekends.
Speaking of weekends, here is a list of things we did with Conner:
Weekend 1 - Nothing - I was still in the hospital and recovering.
Weekend 2 - We took Conner to the zoo. He dressed like the Cookie Monster! We went with Cara and Ryan, then ate at Culver's afterwards. We took Conner to the Children's Museum the next day. He loved the projector frog that moved on the floor best.
Weekend 3 - We took Conner to Carribbean Cove - an indoor water park. I was still unable to swim, so I took lots of pictures instead. The next day, Sunday, we were able to go home!
The day we went home was wonderful. It was one day earlier than expected, so Conner and Ben were able to be with me! We loaded up the van with Owen, my supplies from three weeks, and all of my frozed/pumped breastmilk. Yep, there's over 800 ounces sitting in our deep freezer! The nurses told me I could feed twins, but I think there was so much because I was so deligent in staying on schedule and not skipping sessions. Plus, I was getting the stimulation from Owen followed by a double pump, so all signals were telling my body to produce lots-o-milk!
Owen's NICU stay was lengthy, but yet again, we were incredibly blessed that it was not more than it was. My sister had a baby at just 26 weeks, and her stay was months... not days. We were blessed. There were lots of babies at St. V like that, and I prayed for them several times when I was visiting Owen, and I still think of them in the present day. Owen had severe jaundice that really set him back in the NICU, but other than that we were basically waiting on his brain to develop enough to tell him to eat properly. We couldn't go home until he gained weight on his own without a feeding tube.
To end this story I want to comment on the wonderful nurses at St. Vincent. When I was lonely, happy, crying, laughing, giddy with good news, or saddened with bad - they all knew what to say and when. Especially Emily Knotts. I couldn't ask for a better nurse and now friend than her during our stay. She was so special to me that I had necklace made for her in appreciation of her kindness. She was Owen's primary nurse and she took extra special care of him - lots of snuggles and prayers. :)
We have so many people to thank - for prayers, help, and kind words. Owen is home and happy and healthy and that's all I could ask for. Conner has his "momma" home and our life is back to normal, thankfully as a family of four. :)
Thank you, Lord, for your goodness. Thank you for my family and friends. And thank you, Lord, for giving me Owen and Conner. I love being a mommy and feel so blessed.
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